May 13, 2009 by Phil D. Malmstrom
One of the biggest life lessons we can learn as we grow is to know when to stand up for ourselves, and for what we believe is right. I want so very much for my children to learn that sooner, rather than later in life as I did.
Let me explain.
On Monday afternoon, I got a very excited phone call at work from Shannon, telling me that Jonathan had been “attacked” by a group of three other boys on the playground, and that nothing had been done by the school staff on duty at the time to deal with it (Mama Bear was a little pissed). She vented for a while about some people needing to “do their damn jobs”, and once she’d calmed down a little I got the gist of the story a little better. We later talked about it, and yesterday morning she went in and calmly had conversations with the powers-that-be about the way this had been improperly handled. We’ve actually been pretty pleased with most of what goes on at the school, so I have every confidence that it will be looked into and the issues corrected.
That’s not what upsets me.
I had a Father to Son talk that evening with Jonathan about this, as I wanted to get full story about what exactly happened and more importantly how he handled it. To make a long story short, this particular group of boys has been teasing him quite a bit the last week or so, and decided yesterday that they were going to take it further by surrounding him, kicking and punching him (he actually did have a scrape and couple of bruises). While telling me all this, he had his hands balled into fists and tears in his eyes, and when he’d finished he followed it with “…I wanted to kick their butts so bad, but I didn’t cause I’d get in trouble.”.
On one side, I’m extremely proud of him in that during a time of stress he found himself able to think clearly and make that decision. However, the thought that he felt he would be “in trouble” for defending himself bothers me a bit. It strikes me that in many ways our society is going to extremes to avoid conflict, even in cases where standing up for ones’ rights, beliefs or personal safety comes into question. Either way, I made sure he understood that in the future he was absolutely allowed to do what he needed to do to stand up for himself, and that I’d back him 100% if need be to defend his actions (along with the statement that if he started it, his butt was mine…). So far, things seem to have settled down at school, and we’re hoping he won’t need to make that decision anytime soon.
Ok, now on to the quotes for Shannon. As I’ve said, it’s been harder and harder to find good ones as of late. However, I have found a couple of rare gems the last few weeks that I’ve been very pleased with. Enjoy!
04/13 – “Love distills desire upon the eyes, love brings bewitching grace into the heart.” – Euripides
04/14 – “When you came, you were like red wine and honey, and the taste of you burnt my mouth with its sweetness.” – Amy Lowell
04/15 – “In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.” – Mignon McLaughlin
04/16 – “The most powerful symptom of love is a tenderness which becomes at times almost insupportable.” – Victor Hugo
04/17 – “Love was as subtly caught, as a disease; But being got it is a treasure sweet, which to defend is harder than to get: And ought not be profaned on either part, for though ‘Tis got by chance, ‘Tis kept by art.” – John Donne
04/20 – Phil was sick in bed; No quote sent.
04/21 – Phil was sick in bed; No quote sent.
04/22 – (Makeup for Monday) – “The way you let your hand rest in mine, my bewitching Sweetheart, fills me with happiness. It is the perfection of confiding love. Everything you do, the little unconscious things in particular, charms me and increases my sense of nearness to you, identification with you, till my heart is full to overflowing.” – Woodrow Wilson
04/22 – (Makeup for Tuesday) – “O happy hours when I may once more encircle within these arms the dearest object of my love- when I shall again feel the pressure of that “aching head” which will delight to recline upon my bosom, when I may again press to my heart which palpitates with the purest affection that loved one who has so long shared it’s undivided devotion.” – Alexander Hamilton Rice
04/22 – “Marriage is the golden ring in a chain whose beginning is a glance and whose ending is Eternity.” – Khalil Gibran
04/23 – “Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.” – Khalil Gibran
04/24 – “Let your love be like the misty rains, coming softly, but flooding the river.” – Malagasy Proverb
04/27 – “Love is much like a wild rose, beautiful and calm, but willing to draw blood in its defense.” – Mark Overby
04/28 – “To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness.” – Robert Brault
04/29 – “Only in love are unity and duality not in conflict.” – Rabindranath Tagore
04/30 – “Love withers under constraints: its very essence is liberty: it is compatible neither with obedience, jealousy, nor fear: it is there most pure, perfect, and unlimited where its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve.” – Percy Bysshe Shelley
05/01 – “In true love the smallest distance is too great, and the greatest distance can be bridged.” – Hans Nouwens
05/04 – “My best chosen friend, companion, guide, to walk through life, linked hand-in-hand, two equal, loving friends, true husband and true wife.” – Sir Charles Gavan Duffy
05/05 – “True love is eternal, infinite, and always like itself. It is equal and pure, without violent demonstrations: it is seen with white hairs and is always young in the heart.” – Honore De Balzac
05/06 – “The richest love is that which submits to the arbitration of time.” – Lawrence Durrell
05/07 – “All thoughts, all passions, all delights, Whatever stirs this mortal frame, All are but ministers of Love And feed His sacred flame.” – Samuel Taylor Coleridge
05/08 – “Love is the total absence of fear. Love asks no questions. Its natural state is one of extension and expansion, not comparison and measurement.” – Gerald Jampolsky
Phil Malmstrom
philm@mycoffeecuphasfeet.com
